Here in my car I feel safest of all

For the past month or so, I've had these visions of car wrecks with Gary Numan's "cars" playing in the background... weird, huh?

I tried to write a poem from the deep depths of my heart
but the only word I can think of that rhymes with heart is fart

I'm trying to come up with the ultimate country song...
I was thinking of something along the lines of:
"my wife ran off with my best friend, stole my truck, and backed over my dog on her way out of the driveway.
so now I'm sitting in this bar, drunk, spending my last 876 million dollars that I got from all you poor depressed suckers who bought my last album,
in which, my wife ran off with 7 different people, my dog, and a parking meter. and my best friend got ran over by a tractor being driven by his wife, who had caught him cheating with her sister.
now I'm so sad that it makes me want to repeat some cheesy broken-heart lyric over and over again until all of you buy this album. maybe the lyric will be -
I'm stuck out of love, drunk, with a dead dog and no truck"