Wisdom from a 6-year-old.

History is moving.

Hey everyody! It's a -

MEXICAN BELT!

Just a note:

Dairy products + Neck = Bad

Wisdom.

Confucius say: when everything feel sticky - wash hands.

Truly Twisted.

Today's triumphant tongue twisting tantalizing term: tintinnabulation!
Taxing tone to that tympanic? Therein transpires tinnitus.

I don't get it...

Oh, I see, when the dog tries to fuck the cat - it's cute.
*I* try it - it's bestiality.

What a world we live in.

Aye Aye, Cap'n

i have a problem with using capital letters at the beginning of sentences and in proper nounS. and you can go fuck yourselF. at least i usually use periodS

Who am I?

I'm Skeletor, bitch. You betta recognize.

The <COLOR> Album

White
Green
Brown
Orange
Pink
Blue
Black
Also Black
Off-White
Red
Grey
Yellow

Go on, brush your shoulders off.

Said the ladies they love me - from the bleachers they screamin'
all the ballers is bouncin' - they like the way I be leanin'
all the rappers is hatin' off the track that I'm makin'
but all the hustlers they love it just to see one of us make it.

word of the moment: braggadocio ...as the best rapper alive - nigga axe about me.

Use%20underscores%20once%20in%20a%20while.

You know your car is too large when you bottom out on the curvature of the earth.
You know you've had too much coffee when your urine comes out speaking Spanish. (spanish is spoken in Colombia.... think a while, it'll come to you.)

word of the moment: onomatopoeia It's words that sound like what they are. Buzz is a good onomatopoeia. So is whomp.

Oh dear!

I'm nearly horizontal!

that is all.

current music: Uh, "come to daddy" by aphex twin, which I think I've listed here before. lemme go check...hmm. seems not. Although I have mentioned the song before, because it is a fucking great song. I listened to this acoustic live version of "symphony of destruction" by megadeth before that. Acoustic megadeth - now there's some weird shit.

Jackin' for beats

And even if ya down with my crew - I'll jack them too.

I'M FULL OF TINIER MEN!


Serioiusly. I am.

current music: Well, it was "hungry hungry hippos" by anal cunt, which is this fucking bizarre thrash cover of, you guessed it, the hungry hungry hippos song, but that song is 18 seconds long, and "Ccec" by autechre came on after that. Autechre (probably pronounced Aw-teck-er, but this is a subject of some debate) are fucking genius. "Ccec" is a strange song, lots of odd disjointed beats and samples, with the main instrument being a rapper's voice, chopped up into unrecognizable segments, and apparently randomized. they make some of the most cerebral techno I've heard. you can't just sit back and let autechre play in the background, you have to take it in, intently listen to it. You really oughta at least treat yourself to the mp3's of their "peel sessions" stuff. I bought both the peel sessions cd's.

It's the real thing

Coca-Cola comes in: 8 oz cans, 12 oz cans, 10 oz bottles, 12 oz bottles, 17.5 oz bottles, 20 oz bottles, 1 liter bottles, 2 liter bottles, and 3 liter bottles, with multipacks of 6, 12, 24, and 6 17.5 oz bottles. and I bet you can still get the 16 oz bottles... And don't forget the fountain. Man, they need to calm down. I just drank one of those 8 oz cans, and all I gotta say is "why?" It's nearly half of a 12 oz can, and costs more, due to the low volume nature of it. Nevermind, I'm too tired to make any sense.

Deplane, boss, deplane!

Tattoo, how do you expect them to deplane when they're still in the air?

Apologies are in order.

A couple posts back I incorectly identified the United States Postal Fucking Service as the United States Fucking Postal Service. I apologize for any inconvenience this has caused, and I apologize to the United States Fucking Postal Service Pizzaria in Tampa, Florida for the extra mail and phone calls I have caused you.

And now, I would like to sing a little song for you:

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Spongebob Squarepants!
Absorbent and yellow and porous is he.
Spongebob Squarepants!

PIMPCHICKEN!

And now, another adventure of Pimpchicken, the Chicken who also happens to be a pimp.
One day, Pimpchicken was out strolling the street, keeping tabs on his Hoechickens, when his arch-nemesis, Pimpfox, struts his way. Pimpfox was pimping his Hoefoxes on Pimpchicken's territory, and Pimpchicken was none too happy about that. "What do you think you doing pimping yo hoes on my turf, suckuh?", said Pimpchicken, with a scowl on his beak. To this, Pimpfox replied "I be pimping my Hoefoxes any damn where I want, chicken!". Now, Pimpchicken was enraged at this, and he was just about to whip out his pimp stick and lay the smack down on the ol' Pimpfox, when the farmer came out of the barn and shot Pimpfox with a big old shotgun. 2 days later, Pimpchicken was strolling the street again, keeping tabs on his Hoechickens, and the farmer came back. "Yo, you want one of my bitches, bitch?", said Pimpchicken, and with that, the farmer grabed Pimpchicken by the throat and snapped his neck. The farmer then threw Pimpchicken into the bed of his truck and drove out behind the barn to the burning pit. 2 days later, there was a new Pimpchicken.

Pay No Attention To The Man Behind The Giant Killer Robot Monkey.

This is a test. Had this been a real emergency, people would have been running around screaming for a good 3 minutes by now, and you would be wondering "why the hell are all these people running around screaming?", but that is not the case, as this is indeed a test. Should this test coincide with an actual emergency, you should look outside and note any screaming running people, and take appropriate action. Now, we may just be messing with your head here - this may be a real honest-to-goodness emergency, and we might be just stalling you so we can loot the stores while they still have some good stuff left, but we probably aren't, since we have good jobs pretending to have emergencies every couple of weeks. It isn't really a glamourous job, it isn't even a high paying one, but - well, we were coming to a point, but now we are depressed and don't feel like talking about it anymore.

There Is Nothing To Fear But- AHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I wish I knew somebody that was really paranoid. I would have that poor sucker wearing a tinfoil hat in a week.

We have nothing to fear but the giant killer robot monkeys. and fear, I guess.

A friend was telling me how she wanted to start an urban legend and get it all over the internet. Now I know how they get started... I think I might do that, except I've always been partial to idiotic chain letters, so here goes:

This is absolutely True!!! I have verified every single person in this list is actually dead or suffering from the affliction described!! And I should know - I'm a doctor!!! Before you read any further: forward this to everyone you know. go find other email addresses and send it to those people. If you can manage to send it to at least 400 people, you MIGHT avoid a HORRIBLY PAINFUL DEATH!! James Sanderval, a steel worker from Detroit, forwarded this letter to 360 people, and as a DIRECT RESULT of not going the extra mile, he is at this very moment THE PRISON BITCH IN THE WORST JAIL IN MEXICO!!! By the way, if you have not already sent this to AT LEAST 35 people, YOUR FATE IS SEALED!!!! Pray that your death will not be like that of Margeret Boycanth, who had only sent this letter to 3 people by this point. Poor Mageret never finished reading the letter, because A BEAR BROKE INTO HER HOUSE AND RAPED HER TO DEATH!!!!! You MUST send this letter to AT LEAST 400 people. Dave Macau sent this letter to 400 people exactly, and he is currently DYING OF CANCER OF THE BRAIN, LIVER, LUNGS, PENIS, AND HEART!!!! So you see, you absolutely must, for your sake, send this letter to as many people as possible, but NOT MORE THAN 700!!!! Illyich Andropov sent this letter to 1300 people, trying to secure his good luck, but in doing so he UPSET THE BALANCE OF THE UNIVERSE and we are all doomed to develop a HORRIBLY PAINFUL allergy to celery, AND IT IS DIRECTLY HIS FAULT!!!! So there you have it. Send this letter to at least 400 people, but not more than 700, and you MAY NOT DIE OF SCURVY!!!!!!!!!!