My name is Legion, for we are many...

You know who I hate? I toss around that term a lot, but there are few that I truly and unabashedly hate - and among those few, fewer still warrant my hate forever and ever for all time with no saving roll, no 'get out of jail free' card. One group who holds a special place in my hate list, a placecard on the table of hatred, where my hatred is served in heaping piles, one group who has priority access to reserved parking spots in my parking garage of hatred - door-to-door preachers. there's no other way to describe them, really. Those people, generally mormons or witnesses, who feel the need to go door-to-door to tell people how great whatever religion they subscribe to is, and they always come at the most inopportune time, and they *always* take up a few minutes of your time, even if you don't have it to spare, and you'd rather boil them in oil and step on their puppies and piss on their mothers anyway.
I hate these people.
They beg my insolence.
They dare to opine to me? To ask that I change my views and fundaments?
They hawk religion, and I will have none of it. They are deserving of nothing more than pure contempt, and they will get nothing but. Odious fools.
One thing that should work, but doesn't, is telling them "We worship in our own way". That clearly tells them that No Sir, you will have none of what they are selling, and you already have plenty anyway, so please go away, preferably back to your own home, and stay there.
I went to the store the other day, and there were young teens outside, running back and forth to people, telling them how cool god is. they came to me, and one girl asked if I personally had given any thought to accepting jesus christ as my personal savior and target of multiple blasphemous remarks when I stub my toe, and I told them "I am agnostic" and got that look you get from a a deer as you swerve to avoid turning it into deer jelly. This girl was attempting to sell me a vacuum without knowing what a broom was. I had to explain the precepts of agnosticism to someone who wanted me to convert to her religion. It took me some time to get her to understand that there is no converting someone who doesn't believe in religion. I don't know, I can't know, and I don't want to know. When I die, I'll find out what happens when you die - before then, I don't care.

As a side note, the title is a little gem from the bible. it's a quote from a man who is possessed by a legion of demons, and jesus asks the man his name, and that is his answer. The demons then beg jesus' mercy, and he allows them to go into a huge herd of pigs, which subsequently throw themselves into the ocean. I plan to use this line the next time somebody comes to my door asking if I know how cool god is. I wanna see if I can make them run. some blood and fire wouldn't hurt the effect, tho.


current music: It was "albuquerque" by weird al yankovic, then "knfe prty" by deftones, then "the downward spiral" by nine inch nails, then "stolen holiday" from the sifl & olly show, which aired on mtv for 2 seasons, and starred sock puppets. it took a while to type this one. Btw, I spelled albuquerque from memory. HAHAHA! That's like the backflip of spelling; either you can do it, or you look stupid because you are too proud to admit you can't. I still checked to see if I got it right. I don't wanna look stupid.