Happy Whatever

I turn 28 today. Can't you just feel how ecstatic I am about it? I mean people always get up about their birthdays, but I am just up. 28 is a magic number, and I'm finally magic. Attention Houston: We are shiny. You cannot imagine how alive I feel. Finally one step closer, one year closer to the grave - the sweet cool earth I so eagerly await to be enveloped by. Depressed? No, no no no. Not me. Not after I got that zoloft. I feel great. Boy, do I ever crave the comforting embrace of death's sweet kiss. That'll be so great. I mean really, great.
The Panama canal also has a birthday today. It's a little older than me, I think. That's still just great, tho. I mean really, great.