I still ride a bike.

Jesus. That's a story about how, in california, they've managed to outlaw giant SUV's on most residential roads, but they don't enforce it. See, if your vehicle weighs over 6000 pounds, it can qualify you for a 100% tax break on it if you pretend you only use it for business. It also qualifies you for the "cockless suburbanite fucktard" badge. And you can't legally drive on most roads in California, because the maximum weight on most of the roads in 6000 pounds. You buy this vehicle that uses 75 gallons of gas per mile, spewing much of it back into the atmosphere, yet you don't worry because not only are you immune to gas guzzler and emissions laws because you aren't driving a passenger vehicle - you're immune to the other laws that affect large real commercial vehicles, too. Plus you're an asshole. Do me a favor - look outside at your car:

• Is it larger than some houses?


• Does it cost more to start than some vehicles do to drive to mexico?

Well then, you have one of the giant SUV's. Now answer some more questions for me, if you would:

• Is it dirty?


• Has it ever been dirty - really dirty?

If you answered no, then you have no use for this vehicle, and should go dig the gun I know you have out of your closet, place the barrel gently in your mouth, and pull the trigger until your finger stops working. I'm serious. If I inspire mass suicide by the cockless suburbanite fucktard assholes who own and lumber these things around our nations streets and byways, I'll be happy to do any required jailtime.
Oh, and if you paid more than 100,000 bucks for your giant SUV - kill yourself regardless of the dirt level on it. You have no reason to live, and the world will be a better place for having lost you. It's worth it - do it.

Before a bunch of normal cockless people get all upset - if your hummer is encrusted with mud, or if your particular giant suv cost more than 100,000 bucks mostly because your tires cost 6000 bucks a piece - you're fine. You still have no penis, but your life isn't forfeit. At least your life isn't forfeit because of your vehicle ownership - I don't know you that well.