For people too drunk to stir (soft, hard drinks)

So, I see this diet coke with lime, and I wonder about things. Firstly, I wonder - does it taste like a cleaning product or something? diet coke with lemon tasted exactly and totally like somebody opened a diet coke and put an alka-seltzer cold'n'flu tablet in it, which is not quite as tasty as it sounds, which is bad because it doesn't sound very tasty at all. But I also wonder - did the coke folk make this because it was the next logical step, citrus-wise, in the fruit chain? Because I mean diet coke with grapefruit or orange sounds like it wouldn't sell very well. But if they didn't just do it because lime comes after lemon - did they do it because some bigwig at coca-cola really digs cuba libres? I mean, the cuba libre is, after all, a rum and coke with some lime juice in it. This product cuts out the middleman, so to speak. That'd be cool if they started making club soda mixed with amaretto or creme de menthe, too. I don't know why you can't just buy a real honest-to-goodness boilermaker or dirty martini in a can. You can buy some rum'n'cola'n'natural'n'artificial flavors in a can, and you can get stuff like mudslides and white russians, but those are pussified 8% alchohol versions, not a bottle with real rum and coke or real kahlua and vodka. I should sell those. "Dr. Twilight's real mixed drinks in a can - for people too drunk to stir" You could use beer math on them, too. "man, I got shitfaced on a sixer of grasshoppers last night." I like how beer gives you one ability: you can multiply, divide, add, and subtract anything to or from the numbers 6, 12, 18, 24, and 30 - in your head, instantly, while half drunk. If there are 4 people drinking, and each is on their 3rd beer, you know instantly, without having to figure anything in your head, that the case is half gone, and that somebody oughta go get another one before you get past the excuse level. See, I think if a cop pulls you over and smells beer, and you go "I had three, I'm fine, dude." - he might just let you go. But if you just pounded back a sixer, you ain't going home tonight. You can't make an excuse for driving around with half a gallon of beer in you - 3 you can manage. "My damn wife is pregnant and I absolutely had to go buy rum raisin ice cream, right now." - to which the cop might say "Stay off the main roads - my wife always wanted pickles and dr. pepper." Even if your wife is barren, that one probably has a good chance of working with 3 beers. but if you've just finished 6 and say "I needsh to buy another cashe", well then, you're going to jail tonight. By the way, "barren" is a terrible way to say a woman can't have a kid for some reason. It makes her sound like an old dried out field or something.