Hey, is there anyone who CAN'T walk and chew gum at the same time? That would be really freaky.... take a few steps, stop, chew a little, stop, take a few steps...
For your inner 12 year old. Ahh... I remember a time when fart and barf jokes were funny. A time when saying "Penis" in front of a teacher was both the worst and funniest thing you could ever possibly do. A time when I sang soprano and had no bodily hair. I remember it like it was yesterday, because it was.

So, how would the economy be affected if it rained quarters and we used pepper instead of Susan B. Anthony Dollars?
Actually, I think our cars would be affected if it rained quarters, and we'd never need change.

WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH ALL THESE OSTRICHES????

On Roses and Posies (an essay on the state of flora in the world, and how they relate to the chaos created by man)
-------------------
Damn. I hate flowers. Flowers suck, maybe I should plant garlic or something. Or a tree. Yeah, I could plant an oak tree, come back in 50 years, and chop it down - thus pissing off countless squirrels, and scattering acorns everywhere. I don't even like trees. Why am I still writing this? Just a bad idea to start with, if you ask me. I also dislike the way the tab key works in non-word processing programs. I expect it to tab over 5 spaces, and it sends my cursor to a different field. I got your cursor right here, bud. I bet it would be bad to play catch with a keychain. I know whenever somebody throws keys at me and I catch them, I go "Ow" and rub my hand for a minute. Would you rather watch the last half of Rain Man or all of Deep Blue Sea? What if Rain Man was Superman and Deep Blue Sea was The Abyss? Heh. I just noticed that in one of those earlier posts (the reallly bad one), the bad link is purple, as in "has been recently visited", and the disney link is blue, as in "ain't been there". You should all go out and buy "renegades" by rage against the machine. every last one of you. they cover lots of classic rap and rock stuff, they even cover Devo. I gotta fill whitespace here, so I'm gonna start typing the lyrics to "I'm Bad" by ll cool j (back from way before he did Deep Blue Sea) No rapper can rap quite like I can, I'll take a musclebound man and put his face in the sand. Not the last mafioso - I'm a mc cop. Make you say "Go LL" and do the wop. If you think you can outrhyme me, yeah boy, I bet - cause I ain't met a motherfucker who can do that yet. Trendsetter, I'm better, my rhymes are good, I got a gold nameplate that says "I wish you would" and when battles begin then I gotta join in and before my rhyme is over - You know I'ma win. That works, I guess. Maybe nobody has read this far, and I can start being really weird. Nah.

Radio Snack: you've got questions, we've got twinkies.

Hey look - I found a quarter!

What if Alice was offended by the "Eat me" sign? She would have never gotten out of wonderland.

Radio Coop: You've got questions, we've got chickens.


A 911 call to remember:
--
(911 person) 911, what is your emergency?
(lucky) I seem to have a bear eating my intestines.
(911) excuse me sir?
(lucky) I woke up this morning and there was a black bear eating my intestines. I guess he ripped me open during the night sometime. I figured he'd go away after a while, but it's been about 6 hours now...
(911) ok, so you say a bear is eating your intestines, and has been doing so for 6 hours.
(lucky) at least. he was eating them when I woke up.
(911) ok. uhh.. can you give me your address so we can-
(lucky) oops, now I'm on fire.
(911) excuse me?
(lucky) well, I was trying to light a torch to scare the bear off, you know, like in the movies?
(911) yes sir, in the movies.
(lucky) well, I made this torch, but when I tried to light it, I guess I spilled some kerosene on me, and well - now I'm on fire. it did scare the bear off, though, so I'm ok there.
(911) ok, is your whole body on fire, or just a part of you?
(lucky) well, most of me, really. not my head, though. well, my hair, but I figured you kinda assumed that.
(911) uh, sir, can you just give me your address and we can rush somebody out-
(lucky) hey, is it bad for an arm to just fall off?

I will now post a link. BEWARE! PELIGRO! YUCKY AND MOST LIKELY HIGHLY OFFENSIVE THINGS AHEAD!
before I post this, I must inform you that, although I thought it was the funniest damned thing I've ever seen, most people (even highly jaded, usually non-offensible people) WILL BE OFFENDED and will grow to hate me because I posted this purile, sick, sex-and-religion-don't-mix link. so consider yourself warned. Actually, don't consider yourself warned, so you can get the full-on shock this site will offer you. Also, if you are a sick pervert of historic proportions (like you think Caligula was a prude and the Marquis De Sade was boring in bed), you might wanna buy something from here. I'm just providing a public service here, if you don't want to see bad things - BAD THINGS SHAPED LIKE RELIGIOUS FIGURES AND INTENDED TO AID FEMALE MASTURBATION - you shoudln't click here, and you should go to confession just for reading this far. Now, if you are like me, you will laugh your ass off and spend the next couple weeks freaking out all your friends with this. But you probably aren't like me (thank your lucky stars), and you will go EWWWWWWW!!!! and quickly call your mom to tell her how much you love her. Anyway, here goes. and don't send me hatemail or dead animals. well, you can't really send dead animals thru email, and a picture would just go into my folder full of pictures just like it.

REALLY OFFENSIVE LINK - DON'T EVER CLICK HERE FOR ANY REASON, EVEN IF YOUR MOM TELLS YOU TO
THIS LINK IS BAD, DON'T CLICK IT.
DON'T SAY I DIDN'T TRY TO WARN YOU. THIS IS BAD - WAY BAD. CHER-AND-KENNY G-DOING-THE THONG SONG-ON-A-CHRISTMAS-ALBUM-BAD
Btw, be sure to check out my favorite one - the baby Jesus buttplug.
And, to balance it out, here is some nice stuff.
SHINY HAPPY LINK. GOOD LINK.
GOOD LINK. STICKY IN A GOOD WAY. I love that site. I've always wanted a glue information portal. and I never knew how to glue ceramic to leather before this.

Maybe I should just change my name to Nick.
I have a problem with nicknames. On this web log thing, I call myself Twilight Jones (which I've used off and on for maybe 8 years), but I'm also known as (in no particular order): Firebug, vYrus, BUTANE, 11-Wires, eclipse, and PAIN (in games). I have also used variants of most of those, like _vyrus_ or (eclipse), and I was once known as angrycowdisease, and once when I first installed aol instant messenger, I had to use Phyrebugge, because there are 200 billion people on aol, and aol doesn;t just give you a number like icq does (note that I no longer use AIM, and I'd rather hang myself by my penis than actually USE aol.)
Damn. I harshed on AOL pretty hard there... so like, everybody go to aol and sign up. or don't. or hang yourselves by your various gentialia. I don't care.
OK, New subject:
WHY I THINK MEN HAVE IT BETTER THAN WOMEN. (notice that I did NOT say we ARE better, although I think we are. This is why we have it better)

Men can write their names in the snow. Men with lots of self control can print their names in the snow.
Men only bleed when they are injured.
Men only cramp after running or something.
Men can't get pregnant.
When a man's dog dies, he gets sad, usually telling somebody "I loved that fucking dog, man!" Men do not take it further than that, and usually see it as a chance to get a new dog.
Men enjoy violence, which happens to be just about the only thing on tv.
Men can be really scary and intimidating if need be.
Men don't have to get help to pick up heavy things.
Men can get stuff off of any shelf in the house by themselvs.
Men can open their own damned jars.
And a bunch of other stuff that I don't care enough about to write down.

So, Gore just conceded, and it looks like the dubya will be the next president of the United States of America. Good thing I was planning on moving to that sewer in Berlin. In a way (a sick twisted way), I kinda like that fact that dubya is gonna run the country until he screws up, just because HE WILL SCREW UP, and when he does, he will probably already be spending most of his time in courtrooms saying "I did cocaine once (sniffle) but I did not inhale, (rubs nose while sniffling) and I was only high for a couple minutes. (dubya's lawyer leans over and whispers something to him) Oh, uh, nevermind." Hell, we ALL loved Clintion, and we wanted to cut off his love wand just because he got a blowjob. dubya was a drunk for years, a cokehead for who knows how long, and can barely read as it is. What's gonna happen the first time dubya goes to some country and has to pronouce a name like M'beghu Go'Latta M'butu or Hermanz Fleichenschwitzsenhauer? Daddy can't pull you out of this one dubya, and your dealer won't have anything ot do with you unless he wants to write a book. Looks like it's time to go talk to your old friend Martin I Vodka.

....and here I thought I was gonna have a problem putting 74 chickens and a linebacker in a toaster oven....

(cowboy twilight) HI BOYS AND GRRLS! (boys and girls in unison, except for llama boy, but nobody minds him) HI COWBOY TWILIGHT!!!! (cowboy twilight) DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!?!?!?!?!?! (children in unison, except for llama boy) IT'S RANDOM LINK TIME!!!!!!!! (announcer, speaking very quickly) randomlinktimeiscopyrighted1952byeclipsestudiossomerestrictionsapplyallrightsrexervedexceptforllamaboyoffernotvalidinpanamacubaortexasbecausetexassucks (cowboy twilight) THAT'S RIGHT! SO HERE WE GO!!!

Best Toilets Somebody actually maintains this list of all the best public restrooms in various cities. And I thought I was weird.
Tetrachromats There is at least one woman in the world who can see more colors than everybody else because she has 4 sets of cones in her eyes instead of the usual three.
International Space Station Visibility Data Now you can get up real early, look at a twinkle in the sky for 2 minutes, and go "Gee".
THE CLAW Not quite a joystick, but not a keyboard either. Probably the most innovative game controller since the joystick. Or maybe the Power Glove.
Being Seen Technologies Makers of electroluminescent strips, which are like neon, but better. And cheaper. And really flexible. I gotta get me some of that.
Interlink Electronics They make these badass mice from stainless steel that you can beat on with a hammer. (I can do that to my mouse, bit I'd have to buy another one afterwards).
Pricewatch Ok, Ok, so I'm a nerd. But I like this place. It's the quickest way to get the lowest price on computer hardware on the web.
Happy Pipes I don't actually have a use for this, but they do have some really cool handblown glass bongs and stuff. I just wanna spread the love is all.

I hate it when programs install shortcuts and the like without asking you. Real Player, for example, puts a shortcut on your desktop, in your start menu, and it installs several other programs that should be kept seperate (like realjukebox, netzip, download demon and comet cursor - all of which I despise). even worse, many programs suffer from terminal bloat. let's take a look at icq for a moment. Icq is like a 6 or 7 meg download. when I first started using icq, it had all the functionality it does now (more on that in a momet), and it weighed in at less than one meg. Now, where did all this extra meggage come from? from useless crap. I looked at icq's homepage builder, shuddered, and deleted the directory it kept all of it's graphics and templates in. I have never, and will never, use random chat, or phone/follow me, or the email "feature", or the browser, or voice messaging, or E-icq (whatever the hell that is). So where is the good old icq with messaging, file transfer, chat, and away mode? still there, but buried under a bunch of useless "features". To add insult to injury, when mirabilis decided that their program was too large, they removed the one thing I thought was actually useful: the mesage archive. oh yeah, they also removed the IP address from the info screen. now, "ftp to my IP as anonymous" takes longer because I can't just click on the info button and see the IP. So, as a result of Mirabilis being a bunch of stick-in-the-mud bloatware designers, I will issue this statement:


I Twilight Jones, being of mostly sound mind and vaugely egg-shaped body, Hereby demand that Mirabilis, the creators of the program ICQ, release a "stripped down" or "classic" version, with all the extra fluffy features amputated, and the core program intact. When Mirabilis releases this "classic" icq, I will stop bitching.

Quick poem: Old woman. Her hat contains many mysteries. And her head.

Election? Hell, that's this year? I totally forgot.
I really like syrup. I would drink nothing but syrup if it didn't give me that "I just drank a bunch of syrup" feeling in my throat.I like my bacon burnt, my eggs with a pound of pepper on them, my biscuits swimming in gravy, I like my coffee in as large a container as possible, and I like maple syrup poured over the whole mess. now that's a damned breakfast.
by the way, here is an idea I'd like to see passed into law: after an election, the loser has to go clean up all the signs. I think we still have Dukakis signs littering up the woods around here.
oh yeah, an update on EARTHBOUND: THE MIR STORY - wait, maybe I could call it NOT WITHOUT MY PRESSURE SUIT: THE TRAGEDY AT MIR - yeah, that's a good one. Anyway, Mir is indeed gonna be crashed into the earth sometime in February. Whoo-freakin-hoo. Maybe it'll hit a black hole on the way down, a black hole that is growing between the earth and the moon, and which is destined to eat our planet. that'd be cool. for a while, anyway.
hey, try saying "svelte" a lot of times real fast. svelte svelte svelte svelte. I like that. I'm sort of a weird guy though, so you may not get the same thrill from saying "svelte" over and over again that I do.

Jeez. It's been nearly a month since I last posted to this thing. I'd love to tell you that I had a family member die, or I decided to go to truck driving school, or I found the love of my life - only to find out she was inflatable, but I can't. I didn't post because I am a lazy son of a bitch - simple as that. I've been playing a lot of the sims (I did kill off a few family members in the sims, but only to make tombstones). I almost bought Jupiter, but the guy got arrested for stealing a goat before I could sign the papers. Of course, you would think that I would have lots to say after being gone for almost a month - and you'd be thinking wrong. The problem is that I post when the thought strikes me, and I post what's on my mind right then, so it doesn't really build up. I do, however, collect odd links. Here are some for your browsing pleasure:
Screw Radio Shack! Use tortillas to make your circuits.
NerdPerfect Like Slashdot, only different.
You can't just fuck the fish - You gots to make looooooove to the fish. (Ok, I know dolphins aren't fish, but I don't care - it's sounds better this way.)
By the way, that last link mentions that male dolphins have a 10-14" long prehensile penis, meaning they can pick stuff up with it. And when they orgasm, They can shoot love gravy 14 feet. Lucky bastards.

Have you ever noticed how those "gangsta" rappers will have 125,000 dollar platinum and diamond teeth, a 200,000 dollar necklace, a few bracelets worth 40 grand per, a half million dollar car (usually several), a gigantic house worth more than every house you've ever lived in combined, and wear a 3 dollar t-shirt? Why wear a Rolex, Fubu pants, and a hanes t you got in a plastic package with two other ones just like it?
All I know is that if I ever spend 125 grand on my teeth, those suckers are gonna drive my car or something.
Heavy Spend the rest of your life here.

Mir: The saga continues. I've decided to post any news on Mir crashing into the earth/not crashing into the earth, just becase I've kept up to date on it till now, but to tell you the truth - I'm bored with it. I mean, first they have this cool space fungus, and Mir is doomed unless they get 40 million bucks to save it, then they save it, then they just decide that they need more money to keep it in space or they will have to crash it anyway, then they say they won't be crashing it, then they will, now they aren't going to crash it. I figure in a week or so, I'll see a news story about how MirCorp needs 77 million dollars or else they are gonna have to crash the damned thing in February.
let's get random for a while...
I am Nonlinear. I own 14 Subaru dealerships and Canada. Some people call me "Steve", even though it isn't my name. Grapes. My head is on fire. I found my thrill on blueberry hill. When I step into the place, you know I step correct - whoo haa, I got you all in check. 42. Explosion - bang. I look like Japan.

I feel weird when I miss a day posting to my blog, like I'm letting down my millions of fans. The only problem is - I don't have millions of fans. I probably don't have A fan. well yeah, I've got a fan, but it's on high sitting on a table in the room with me, but you know what I meant.
I also want to post another one of those random links, but I don't have any. I cleared out my favorites in the last few posts, so I'll go find a link for you millions of loyal fans, and then maybe I'll deflate my head.
RANDOM COOL JEWELRY LINK there, happy? Btw, if anybody would care to buy me one of those Clapton-Richards skull rings, I'll make a donation to the charity of your choice in the amount 20 Pesos, which I think translates out to around 1/3 of a cent. Also, if you happen to have some old appliances or computer hardware that you don't feel like throwing away, send it to me and I'll send you some pictures of it meeting it's demise at my hands. I really like to break things, but you can't break stuff that has value or people will get upset. So mostof the time I can't break stuff, so I spend that time on the computer. It's a wonderful life.
<RANT> On another note, yesterday I mentioned Unreal and Quake, but there is a problem - I can't run Quake III because of my crappy video, and I have to run Unreal Tournament in software mode at 320X240 to avoid dropping frames, but I still play UT, and I still play QIII whenever I get on somebody else's machine. I've always played first person shooters, I was playing Castle Wolfenstein on my Uncle's shiny new computer when it first came out, and I never stopped. but nowadays, all the games are becoming multi player only, and I am stuck here behind this pitiful 56k, so my only choice is either a LAN game or slaughtering bots ina single player game. Of course, very few of my friends with computers want to play LAN games of UT or QIII, and those that do want to play actually have lives, so they can't be training 24/7 like I do, so I end up dominating and boring everybody because they can't get a frag in. Boy do I hate being Godlike. To top all of this off, I live 14 miles south of the middle of nowhere, so there aren't any local groups that do the community LAN party thing.
I think I understand now - I just hate my life. I'm not happy with my computer, I'm not happy with my location, I'm not happy with my connection to the internet, I'm not happy with the fact that I am the only person I know that would rather play UT than sleep. And don't even get me started on all these damned feathers growing out of my head... </RANT>

Your computer actually does hate you.
The first good use of lasers And the first real advance in lawncare technology since the weedeater.
BEATERz Hey..... That's my car!
I think I may have found myself a monitor. BTW, check out the rest of the stuff on that site - like the whole wall projection monitor, so when Klesk or Dessloch shoves a rocket up your ass - you will fear the rocket. (OBSCURE FIRST PERSON SHOOTER REFERENCES ©1992 ECLIPSE STUDIOS)
Oooooooohhhhh.... I just had an epiphany. Or maybe I hit my head. Either way, I just thought up a very cool game: Unreal vs. Quake. Think about it - Xaero fires off a volley from the BFG while dodging a 5 rocket spread from Xan Kriegor on the highest building in the Morpheus map, only to catch a sniper's bullet in the head - which was fired by Drimacus. It'd be interesting to restrict the Quake chars. to Quake weapons, and vice versa. Would a Quaker survive against a skilled UT player with an eightball or a flak cannon? Can a UT player with a ripper defend the flag against a plasma rifle toting Quaker? And who would win in a headshot contest between a Quaker with a railgun and a UT'er with a sniper rifle? and what about the almighty Redeemer? what does a Quaker have to stop a guided mini-nuke that can chase them around a corner? Of course, this has been argued since Unreal came out to compete with Quake 2, but I don't think anyone has actually attempted a mod to decide. Then there are the copyright issues. Making a BFG and a Daemia or a Uriel to carry it in UT would probably upset the brass at Id. Oh well. I'm done spewing my head wound inspired idea.

Mir - The Saga Continues Turns out, MirCorp couldn't raise enough money to save the old beast, so Mir will be crashing into the earth next February. AWWWWWWW..... Everybody feel sorry for the poor widdle space station.

RANDOM ARTIFICIAL LANGUAGE TRANSLATION OF A HOLY BOOK

RANDOM PENILE ENHANCEMENT LINK

And now for some random garbage off the top of my head:

I say random an awful lot. Not as much as this one guy I know, Randy R. Randomner. He was off in Pakistan a few years back and got arrested for spray painting "elect a duck fart" on the wall of the US embassy, and then the Swiss army came in and tried to extract him which is odd since A: He isn't Swiss, B: he doesn't even know anybody in Switzerland, and C: Switzerland doesn't actually have an army. So he was all in this jail trying to figure out how this army that didn't exist and had no reason to be there anyway was trying to get him out of a jail in pakistan, when he realized his cellmate was the one and only Mr. T. Mr. T was there because "foo" apparently means something to the effect of "overthrow the government" in whatever the hell language they speak over there. So Mr. T was going on and on with his "I pity this foo" and "I pity that foo", and Randy suddenly vanished into this air, only to rematerialize on the campus of M.I.T., with no clothes on, and a bowling pin stuck halfway up his ass. Well, needless to say, he was instantly known as the coolest guy on campus, and even though he never got around to putting any clothes on or taking out the bowling pin, he still managed to to become an olympic foosball player using the math skills he learned in college. and he would have made it to the Olympics, except that he kept saying how it was the most random thing he had ever seen how he had come to be on the olympic foosball squad, after being in a prison in pakistan with Mr. T only a few years prior, and his coach eventually got tired of it, and kicked him off the team. He did end up going to the olympics, though, as the flagbearer for the Swiss team.

Damn. I missed Firday the 13th. in october, no less. Oh well. I did find a really odd link or 3.
Somebody hanged an elephant in 1916 for killing a man.
The Flat Earth Society After reading the FAQ's, I can only hope this is a joke. I know there are some flat earthers left, but I would hope they'd be smart enough (both of them) to provide actual data instead of saying the earth rides on a turtle's shell, or there are green-skinned women hanging off the edge of the earth.
A fairly cool webpage created by someone with an odd sense of humor.
The ten coolest video game shirts
I love bacon A collection of random funny and bizarre stuff.
The VisionStation Monitors are soooo 20th century.
Bored.com 4 pantloads of links to just about everywhere.

I was thinking of ways to improve my website. Maybe I'll put up a emotion meter or something. or I could just say it here.
I'm feeling: Greasy. damned popcorn.
RANDOM FUTURE TECH LINK
I'm feeling: pain in my ass. damned chair.
I'm feeling: Damp. damned 37 Dr.Peppers.
So, If I rob a gas station and kill the guy who works there, would it be morally wrong to apply for his job the next day? I'd like your thoughts on this, so send them to
Lord_Ian@hotmail.choad

I haven't been posting much lately, so I figured I'd just dump some random links, note that I will break from the RANDOM x LINK format, just because this is easier.
Geek Porn. Check out the girl with Fermat's last theorem on her nekkid skin.
Planet Twinkie 2000 the twinkies website, complete with scottish twinkie fritters, which are batter dipped and deep fried. yum.
Richard Cheese This guy has an album out with covers of a bunch of popular rock tunes, all in the style of "lounge". weird stuff, make sure you get the sampler mp3. if you can't play mp3 files, you shouldn't really be online, and you can just ship your computer to me.
Levitation Levitating a frog and water using magnets? yup.
The potato gun technology center pretty much says it all.
The Waco aircraft company They make full sized Biplanes! Only 180 grand!
Mass Multiples Ever wanted 3 or 4 flat panel monitors on one stand? here you go.
The Bit Calculator A Spiffy little tool for converting bits to bytes and other stuff. good to see how many K a second you can get thru your 56k connection.
Poetic Technologies Makers of the coolest desk in all the world: The Aura. I'd sell my children to have one of these - if I had children.
Violet Crumble Australian candy that is really hard to find here in the states. I fell in love with these a few years ago, and then everybody quit selling them. damnit.

RANDOM SELF LOVE LINK

RANDOM FREE OPERATING SYSTEM LINK

I am Tiger Woods. And I'm not even too sure who Tiger Woods is.
I am Tiger Woods© wearing Michael Jordan© cologne and Nike© sneakers in my Buick© listening to the Britney Spears© cd I got from McDonalds©. Did domebody say McDonalds©? uh, Yeah, I just did. Anyway, I got the cd for only 2.99 when I got a Big Mac© after I saw the commercial on NBC© that came on during the Olympics©, which took place in Australia©.
Oh yeah, Mir isn't gonna be scrapped after all. Turns out, somebody raised enough money to buy all that space-lysol, and they won't send Mir spiraling into the earth in february. The space-fungus was unavailable for comment. Somebody needs to make a movie about the heroic space-lysol. SPAAAAAAAAAAAACE LYYYYYYYYSOOOOOLLLLLLLLL IN THE 21ST CENTURY!!!!!!!!

RANDOM DIGITAL ART LINK
RANDOM FREE PORN LINK

My life is missing something. I don't feel like a whole man. Trust me - I checked an awful lot to make sure I felt like less of a man than I should. What I'm trying to say is, I've never seen "First Blood" all the way thru. In fact, I think the only Stallone movie I have seen all the way thru was Demolition man. I think I am less of a man because of this, and I need to get tough and go rent all 17 rocky movies and watch them straight thru. Or I could go look at flowers. No. Flowers are the wrong thing. I could...... Step on some flowers. No. Uhhhh...... well. I could always be an alchoholic womanizer with a beer gut and 5 o'clock shadow all the time... I'd be a real man then. Of course, I could just have some deep seated psychological problem with Stallone. Yeah, maybe I saw Sly naked when I was a kid or something and it scarred me for life, and now I can't see him in a movie without getting the urge to change the channel. But then again, I might just not like any of his movies. Sylvester Stallone, if you read this, Lemme know if you used to expose yourself to little boys, then my questions will all be answered. well, that one will be. the one about having grilled cheese sandwiches with the lead singer of INXS on a spaceship will have to wait.

The Mir Spacestation is getting a lot of press of late. Apparently, there is some nasty space-fungus eating the plastic on the old rustbucket. If MirCorp (the company that is in control of Mir) doesn't get 7-10 million dollars (presumably to buy lots and lots of lysol.) within a few weeks, they will have to scrap Mir next February. another problem: NBC is going to have to think up something quick, because they had a new survivor-esque series in the works, wherein the winner gets to go to Mir. Fat chance of getting on Mir if it's destined to crash into the Earth. now, on top of all that - James "I directed Titanic, and you?" Cameron is actually going to be going to Mir to spend some time. I assume he is trying to get ideas for a new movie, since he went on a sub and saw THE Titanic, and then shortly thereafter made that movie "Bismarck", or something to that effect.
RANDOM "I WANNA BE LIKE MARTHA STEWART" LINK (Random "I wanna be like Martha Stewart ©1987 eclipse studios)
RANDOM COOL MUSIC LINK (Random cool music link ©1849 eclipse studios)
RANDOM UNCOOL MUSIC LINK (Random uncool music link ©1850 eclipse stu-stu-studios)
On another note: "Space-Fungus" would be a really cool name for a band. Ditto for "I wanna be like Martha Stewart". maybe a ska band could use that second one....

"Heck, I've had more advanced lifeforms evolve in my fridge and I live alone. I'll clean it when they demand equal rights." -found on Slashdot

RANDOM EXTREME FETISH LINK (random extreme fetish link ©1982 eclipse studios)

RANDOM WEIRD LINK
RANDOM BODY MODIFICATION LINK
and now, I present a play: "Sex on downers"
Our main players will be Ignatz and Natasha. Ignatz had a hard time in school because of his name, and got hooked on morphine. Ignatz also has narcolepsy. Natasha has been hooked on Horse tranquilizers since she hooked up with "Boris", a guy with a squirrel fetish. Natasha has Tourette syndrome. The scene opens - Ignatz's bedroom. The walls are covered in Flock of Seagulls concert posters.
(ignatz) uh, yeah. I'm gonna give you my big hard manmeat as soon as I can get it up.
(natasha) Hmmmm?
(ignatz, ok, hold on, I can probbly get it up if i think of radar from M.A.S.H.
(natasha) radar? what kind of fetish isJESUS LIVES IN MY(twitches) PUSSY!
(ignatz) yeah. whoohoo. I'm gettin hot now, bab----ckzzzzkzkzzzzzzzz......
(natasha) uhh.... get up boris-uh... Iggie.
(ignatz) zzz-huh?
(natasha) nothing. I EAT PUPPIES BITCH LOVING FUCK!!!!
(ignatz) uh, ok, I think i'm getting it up now, lemme check.
(natasha) (twitches)
(boris enters)
(boris) NATASHA! I'm sorry, I love you darlink.
(natasha) Hmmm?
(boris carries natasha out)
(ignatz) ok, I'm pretty sure I got it this time, lemme just get your pants off and...... hey.... where did you go?
(natasha)(from the other room) I PISSED IN THE SOUP!!!!
(curtain)

I've noticed a few things during my time online:
1: You should not name your band after anything that might turn up sex sites on a search engine. Case in point - Orgy.
2: Some things just don't need web pages. Case in point.
3: Nobody cares how many awards your website won from your friend wheo runs an awards website, but everybody still proudly displays their awards.
4: Some people just don't care about older browsers. I have decided to be "Browser Hostile" in that I am ignoring 2.0 browsers, but at least remember that not everyone uses IE 5.5 or the latest NS6 beta.
5: searching for just about anything will turn up a few porn pages. searching for "sex", however, doesn't return as many as you'd think.


Has anybody else noticed that Britney Spears is an obsessive-compulsive? look at her song titles: "Hit me baby, one more time - Oops, I did it again - (I can't get no) satisfaction"..... She has a real repetition thing going on. Maybe she's just a slut.

RANDOM WEIRD SCIENCE LINK
RANDOM ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE LINK
"Sponges grow in the ocean - that kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen?" -Steven Wright.

It's better to have loved and lost, than to be gang raped in a Turkish prison

I that monkeys are a fine comedic device, and as far as mammals go, they're A-OK. Just stop using them to reenact movies.

RANDOM QUOTE CORRELATION: "There is no spoon." -the Matrix. "SPOON!" - the Tick (random quote correlation ©1991 eclipse studios)

I think that as you get old, things offend you more. I listen to that 60's and 70's music (led zepplin, rolling stones...) and they have some nasty ass lyrics. I mean -"sqeeze my lemon til the juice runs down my leg"???? and "everybody must get stoned", and "I get high with a little help from my friends." and - perhaps worst of all -"keep on dancin' to the rock and roll - on saturday night, saturday night." Now, the same people who groove to this music and have blurred memories of a party in 1975 where they dropped their first microdot, these same people will publicly protest against marilyn manson because he talks about drugs. the only difference is the terminology. If I say "when I get that feelin' I want sexual healin" nobody will be offended, but if I say "I want to fuck you like an animal" - people get all irritated and start to complain. I don't know, maybe in 20 years I'll get offended when some young punk plays the latest single from hanson starship and the lyrics go something like "gimme my dick back, bitch"
probably not, since I would pay good money to see hanson sing that now...

Damn, no links today..... lemme go get one.................RANDOM "JUST BECAUSE" LINK (random "just because" link ©1988 eclipse studios)

Random Goodie Mobb Quote "Who's that peekin' in my window? pow! Nobody now."
It's good to be random. Chaos is the root of all evyl. note, that I spelled "evil" wrong, I did that because I wanted you to pronounce it like "EEEEEEEVYLLLLL", like Hedley Lamar on Blazing Saddles. Also note that evyl is cool. If evyl is cool, then Chaos also is cool.

I would like to note that the last entry contained a really cool potential band name, and I only now noticed it: "Mouth Full Of Putrefaction"
RANDOM ALTERNATIVE FARM ANIMAL LINK (RANDOM ALTERNATIVE FARM ANIMAL LINK ©2011 eclipse studios)

Luke Skywalker was a moisture farmer. Moisture. I can farm moisture off of my lawn in the morning, and I don't try to make a living out of it. I don't buy droids from Jawas, either, but that's just because a Jawa screwed me out of an R2 unit a few years back.

I saw a show on discovery about the Komodo dragon, and they mentioned that it has a "mouth full of putrefaction" while showing an ox dying from an infected bite wound. Sounds like me when I wake up. I had to switch to all-cotton pillows because I kept melting the polyester ones.

"No E-mail, only hot dog." -sony commercial.
"Psst! It's me - Death. I'll see you soon, OK? I know you can't hear me, but try to feel what I'm about to say, deep down in your soul - Don't eat the gazpachooo."
-Manny Calavera, "Grim Fandango"

So, Here is the first entry into my Blogger powered pseudo-journal. wait - meta-journal. no... um... "Journalesque Stream Of Thought." (Journalesque Stream Of Thought © 1972 eclipse studios) So, if this works, I shall have a place on my website which I can use to post random thoughts that wouldn't quite fit into anything else. I already have a section for this (core), but that is more for structured rants and such. At this point in time I would like to say "Eugene" 4 times: Eugene Eugene Eugene Eugene. I would also like to state that Escargot is a really bad name for snails. They should be labeled "Snails" in bold print. just to let you know, so you don't order them while trying to show off for a date or something ("Ah kin reed fraynch, gimme one of them thar escargots"). The menu should say in large text just above the name of the dish: "NOTICE: There are snails in this dish. If you order it, you will be expected to eat multiple snails"