I finally decided to upgrade my blog to the new system. My readers (both of them) will notice some new stuff, like the new template (which will change at my whim) and the tags. I have to manually tag all my posts, and some of them might end up with 3 or 4 tags - so it's going to be an ongoing process. When the tagging process is complete, you'll be able to sort by tag, so you read only posts dealing with alpacas or britney spears, if such is your desire, you sick fucker. Anyway, this post here is the first one I will give the tag of "upkeep". the "upkeep" tag will be applied to all the posts dealing with blog upgrades, downtime, and so on. I'll post and describe what all my tags mean once I'm finished. Here's a tag that isn't intuitive, and as such needs explained now: brain farts. Brain farts are the weird little random posts that serve no purpose and inform of nothing. If I just get the weird urge to say "mexican belt!" or something, I'll tag that one a "brain fart" Anyway, Enjoy.
I've got the no-talent blues
Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, and Brooke Hogan are examples of a truism: fame can make up for talent. You don't need to be able to sing - protools can fix that. If you are famous and want to make an album - no problem, go make it, and sit back and collect the money from the platinum sales of your horrible crap, laughing at all the musicians with real talent who struggle for 10 years and can't get their demo listened to.
By the way - what the fuck is Paris Hilton famous for, exactly? I mean - she acts, sings, models, has a perfume line - but all of that came as a result of her fame. So what made her famous in the first place? What does she do? It's a death-knell for human civilization when somebody can be a real, honest-to-god celebrity just because they party a lot and have a rich dad.
word of the moment: Schlock. It's when something is utterly without value, like that Paris Hilton autographed cd you'll get 35 cents for 2 years from now on ebay.
My sweet love.
My fiancé bought me, among other things, a subscription to architectural digest, and another one to mental floss. She also got me a book on Salvador Dali. I love her so much. It's exactly what I would have gotten for myself, if I was buying a gift for me, which I do all the time, only I usually buy Twinkies or some Gold by the inch.
It's almost poetic.
Last night, our 8-week-old miniature pinscher was viciously attacking a heart-shaped pillow - while simultaneously humping it. There has got to be an anecdote in there somewhere.
Wear a condom to Hollywood.
Kevin Federline proves that fame is a sexually transmitted disease.
extra-fancy
So somebody told me to update This Old Blog (hosted by Bob Vila's brother, Wheela). He said something to the effect of "perhaps you should think about updating that blog of yours, as it seems to be gathering a bit of dust." Actually, he said "Update your blog, fucker." but I got the general meaning.
Anyway.
I decided that yeah, I have been more than sporadic as of late, and I was kinda getting tired of the design anyway, so I used my L33T HTML skillz and clicked the button for this new template I'm using. I've resolved myself to be more on-point with the updating, so stay tuned. Also note that I've been on here since september of 2000 and I've got like 200 posts to look at, so go there, too.
link of the moment: Just for old times' sake, the llama song.
word of the moment: engaged and let's just leave it at that, shall we? You could say I was... engaged in a relationship with someone and that we were... engaged to be married at some poi- crap, I gave it away, didn't I?
Willy and Me
I got me one of those everlasting gobstoppers, and I have to say, I am sorely disappointed. For one, it lasted maybe 10-15 minutes - hardly "everlasting". 10-15 minutes is only forever is you're 5 years old. And another thing - it didn't stop my gob. At no point did I feel any appreciable decrease in gob activity during or after the consumption of this so called gobstopper. Now, I have used the GobArrest line of products before, and the GobArrest60 fully stops my gob for almost 3 full months. Now I realize GobArrest is by prescription only (I know a guy who knows a guy), but surely the wonka people could come up with an OTC strength gob cessation aid. I thought at first this had to be false advertising, but perhaps they meant that rather than the candy lasting forever, that it stopped gobs forever? Well, no, since it doesn't even slow gobs down. So what is it, then? I thought maybe they were using metaphor, like the northern Minnesota phrase "you sure stopped my gob!" but then I thought - wonka is a subsidiary of nestle, which is based in Switzerland, and since most of northern Minnesota is of Norwegian decent, and since "gob" means something totally different in Swiss and Norwegian... It's just false advertising. It's that damn willy's fault anyway. I was on a tour of his factory once, and got my head stuck in the door of the great glass elevator (yeah, I was that kid), and they had to shut down the tours because the thing was found to be a hazard. See, those oompa-loompas are great singers, and they can make a mean chocolate bar, but they can't turn a wrench for crap. Willy contracted out all the work for the factory and got the oompas to take care of things, but he never realized that the entire race is mechanically inept. Anyway, my point is that they should put a warning label on those things, because now I've got this hyperactive gob, and a powerful sweet tooth, and if I had known - I would bought more than just the one.
Just for the record.
I'd just like to let any person or persons who are old friends of yours truly that my current email address is conveniently located over there in the "view complete profile" link. See, I can only communicate on a certain level within the confines of this page, and I don't currently know the whereabouts, electronic or physical, of said person or persons.
word of the moment: obfuscate, which is a term defining the way in which one might or might not go about getting around a point wherein that aforementioned person might or might not wish the full scope of aforementioned point to get across to a second party, vis-a-vis the current arrangement, insomuch as second skype nadir belarus cuomo, fanbase excelsior perambulating cromulent.
fast music!
so, yeah, it's been a while.
whatever.
I want you all to go to crap art and listen to the An Album A Day project.
Basically, you write, perform, record and produce an album inside of 24 hours. It really opens up the creative abilities. It also shows the lazy people who just record 20 minutes of noise or screaming. If I were you, I'd track down the albums made by Tom 7, who is the crap art guy. He makes what I consider to be the best albums on the site, and he's made 19 of them as of this post, so there's a lot to listen to. Yeah, so go listen to that stuff. I'll catch you later.
Honest Lies.
I lie.
I tell mistruths.
I lie all the time, for lots of reasons. Sometimes I'll lie to somebody just because it's funny to watch somebody try to process the total bullshit I just fed them.
Sarcasm is my canvas and bullshit is my medium.
I don't lie to hurt people, or to make them feel better about themselves. I lie to freak people out. Nothing cranks my gears more than seeing smoke come out of someone's ears after I just told them I own a car that runs on dryer lint and deer antlers.
music of the moment: phish doing a live cover of pink floyd's "money", well.
word of the moment: baculum - and I wonder if that quantum leap guy knows his last name means dick bones? (note: he will always be that quantum leap guy to me, because I only watched enough of the first episode of enterprise to get my window open, so I could throw the tv thru it.)
link of the moment:stumbleupon. I consider this to be an indispensable browser tool. I've used it for years to get lots of my weirdass links.
Today's moral dilemma:
ok, you don't know how it got there, who it belongs to or how long it has been there - all you know is that you are all alone in the bathroom and you see it.
But:
Would you pick up and take a 10 dollar bill that was lying in a pool of urine?
What if it was a hundred?
What if you heard a guy walking out of the bathroom just before you giggling and saying "nobody'll ever pick *that* up"
Things like this are what I think about when I oughta be paying attention to the road.
looooong
so, here's the longest run-on sentence I've seen:
take a deep breath first.
music of the moment: "Hands around my throat" by death in vegas. death is vegas is cool. you like death in vegas.
word of the moment:Obligato, which is something that just has to be in. like if you were some vanguard composer, and your opus just wouldn't be complete without the 14 minute Aeolian harp solo, you'd mark it obligato.
Here's some stuff.
Just to keep you occupied, and because I'm tired but still want to post - here's some totally random stuff:
High Speed Video, that is, video shot at very high speeds, then played at normal video speed - the end effect being super-dooper slomo. I've never seen such a large collection of videos of this type, and some of these are cool enough that it made me want to buy one of those camera systems. Turns out they're fancy-restauraunt expensive, by which I mean you can't find out how much it costs until you try to buy it. They expect people buying these to submit expense summaries to accounting, and purchase justification letters to management.
wotm today's word of the moment has the longest non-run-on sentence I've ever seen - and I've seen a lot of 'em.
Simulated sales.
I just saw that there is now a "sims complete" box for sale in wal*place. wanna know what my first thought was when I saw it?
did I think
- Wow, about time!
- Man, that's both convenient and efficient!
- I bet that takes up a ton of hard drive space.
- I wonder why they waited so long...
I didn't think any of those things, at first.
No, the first thing I thought was:
Maxis is a bunch of greedy bastards.
They're sucking the last tiny drops of profit from a title that should be ages-dead by now. I'm aware the sims is a great game, but it's been surpassed by the sims 2. and the sims 2 is about to get a THIRD expansion pack. so they decide to push all 7 expansion packs, and the original game, into one box and sell it for 40 bucks, like it's a new game. Well, they already tried that a few months ago when they released the expansion packs in 2 packs. you merely had to spend 20 bucks 4 times and have the whole thing. and before that, there were the "sims ultra mega super wowee deluxo big fat edition" which had 4 expansion packs, and then one before that with 3, then 2 then 1. I bought the sims when it came out, between my friends and I we bought 4 of the expansion packs before one of us realized we had spent over a hundred dollars on a goddamned game.
They're doing it again. I have decided, officially, that I will no longer buy any sims 2 expansion packs. I bought "nightlife", the second pack, and it came with a slip of paper advertizing the goddamned third expansion pack. an expansion pack is supposed to be just that - EXPANSION. this filler crap they keep putting out with one or 2 minor features has pushed me past my limit. Rugs. The second pack introduced the amazing new rug. yeah, sims had that in one of the packs. They released sims 2 wih what feels like a pretty limited amount of stuff. So of course you have to buy all the "expansion" packs, which contain the rest of the game content that they should have put in the game in the first place, and you end up paying 200 bucks for a game you paid 50 bucks for. Neat trick, but I can see the wires, and I ain't buying it.
music of the moment: "can't truss it" by public enemy. Must be a nasty hernia if you can't truss it.
work of the moment: truss And here I thought chuck d was smart...
Truly Twisted.
Today's triumphant tongue twisting tantalizing term: tintinnabulation!
Taxing tone to that tympanic? Therein transpires tinnitus.
we're all doomed
See, I don't have a TV and I don't go to Yahoo, so I tend to miss out on movie promos. So the other day, when I saw something about the new Doom movie, I was psyched. I played all the dooms, all the way back to the shareware version of doom 1, so naturally the thought of a movie seemed kinda cool. It's not cool. It's a goddamned travesty is what it is. I haven't seen it, nor will I ever see it. If somebody tries to force me to watch it, I'll throw the TV out a window. If I can't remove the movie, I'll gouge out my eyes, put my fingers in my ears and scream LALALALALALALALA for 2 hours. They took the basic concept of doom, killing demons, and somehow managed to make the worst action movie of all time. This movie will make people die from suckiness exposure. It will send a shockwave of sucky thru all space and time and make everything everywhere everywhen suck a little more. Here's why: It has a guy in a wheelchair. A movie about space marines killing demons has a guy in a wheelchair. a space wheelchair that's cgi'd to his torso, but a wheelchair nonetheless. Guy in a Wheelchair is the dead canary in the action genre coal mine. You have a bunch of intrepid racially balanced people killing whatever, and there's this one plucky eccentric in a wheelchair who somehow manages to not get eaten by the thing that ate 4 guys with huge guns and combat training. If your action movie has a guy in a wheelchair, your action movie sucks. Doom also stars The Rock, who is a better actor than an actual rock, usually. It has The Now, in the form of a story change. In all the doom games, there was a reserch station working on dimensional portals to speed travel. they somehow manage to open a portal to hell and demons come out, killing everybody but you, the player. In the movie, they just mapped out the last 10% of the human genome, at some point in TEH FUTURR! on a research station in TEH SPAYCE! and TEH MONSTARRS! happen. Doom is a movie about a dynamic and racially balanced group of people with fancy hi tech stuff in space in the future. I'm sure there's a big "I'll kill anything, grr." guy, a green cadet who did really well in the simulator, a guy who's a scientist or civilian and hates guns, a wirehead who can fix hack or unlock anything, and a woman wearing a dirty tank top and no bra. Oh yeah, and a kid. A little girl who starts off real scared of the monsters and ends up sticking her tongue out at one after it gets killed. Doom is a movie based on a video game, which is a strike against. Doom is a movie with a guy in a wheelchair, which we already discussed. Doom is a movie starring the rock, which, I'm sorry, just kills it. Doom is going to suck. Mark my words. The Doom movie will suck hard, and die fast - just like a Filipino hooker.
You may have noticed
You may have noticed that a lot of my older posts have dead links.
tough.
Some of those links, the page just died. some of them (especially the pictures I used to post) were hosted on my free web server which went under just before I went offline. At some point I plan on putting those images back up, but I'll likely never try to track down the old dead links. The web is a dynamic place, and statically linking to points within it is at best a risky endeavour.
I don't get it...
Oh, I see, when the dog tries to fuck the cat - it's cute.
*I* try it - it's bestiality.
What a world we live in.
I'm baaaa-aaack.
I'm back online.
yay me!
it took, uh *cough* a bit longer than expected, but here I am.
yeah, so, Hi.
Hmm, probably should have done that with a bit more panache. Naw.
music of the moment: "Pork Soda" by Primus. Maybe it's something similar, you know, like your team lost or your girlfriend used to be a guy... I don't know - it's not like I went to college or anything. I've been listening to unhealthy amount of primus lately. Too much primus makes one odd. er. odd-er.
word of the moment: Hiatus, for obvious reasons. I like that quote in the definition. Now, I am a linguaphile, so you also get flense, adulation, primus and emigre. I define Linguaphile as: Someone who really really enjoys telling you what a linguaphile is. Or: Someone who reads a dictionary without wanting to look up a word. I collect dictionaries...
In the meantime, please enjoy this crap.
I'm still offline, sad face.
This post will contain no alpacas or llamas, or any other hooved mammal,winky face.
It will also not contain any emoticons or chatronyms, because those things move me to odium,smiley face.
This is mostly just a heads-up from a friend's house, laughing out loud.
In other news- what is it with pigs being the breakfast animal?
Has anyone else noticed that the unassuming little porcine end of the meat spectrum has a monopoly on breakfast? Ham, bacon, sausage... ever had a breakfast with chicken? beef sometimes rears it's meaty head, but by and large it is the pig who owns the table before noon. These are the things I wonder about, late at night, when any sane person would be asleep.
Everything is going black...
For the umpteenth time in it's history, the braindump is going offline.
I'm moving.
I'm only moving across town, and I live in a small town. and I mean really small.
But in any case, I will have to wait at least 2 weeks, and maybe
longer before I can afford to get dsl (which I like to pronounce like "diesel") and once again bring the joy of my brain to all my millions of fans.
word of the moment: uh... it's a spanish word for a type of cloth.
music of the moment: what else, baby? granted, that one is about llamas, but we can't blame the unwashed masses for their lack of sophistication, now can we? I can. Stupid unwashed masses.
Foolish jedi...
So, let's say you are confronted by a Jedi Knight- arguably one of the best warriors of all time and space. These guys are feared by evil, which you just happen to be.
This guy gently strokes the handle of his lightsaber as he tries the good old jedi mind trick on you, attempting to make you think or do something you normally wouldn't do.
Now you- you're lucky. You are a member of a race of beings who are immune to mind tricks, or you've got some sort of special training which lets you overcome them.
What is your course of action? Do you:
- scream and run away like a little girl?
- pretend it worked on you so you can get the upper hand?
- draw your weapon and hope for the best?
- immediately say "Jedi mind tricks don't work on me because (reason)!"
Well, according to George Lucas, the answer is always the last one, always.
jabba, that one flying penis bug thing , and now at least 2 characters in the video game i've been playing- Knights of the old republic 2: the sith lords. All of them- right away- went "Hey! That's a jedi mind trick! HAHAHAHAHAHA those don't work on me, silly jedi! I am teh smart!" Whatever. I read that The Darth is only gonna show up for like 5 minutes at the end of this movie, leaving The Lucas plenty of time to fill the rest of the movie with jar jar and amazing special effects.
music of the moment: "boogie chillun" by john lee hooker. And then "speed" by atari teenage riot. next it'll probably be some fucking polka or something.
word of the moment: it just blows my mind to see that. I mean really.
In other news:
You Know You Are a Star Wars Geek When: You use the term "carbon scoring" without any other justification in normal, non-star wars conversation. I did this yesterday, talking about this credit card I saw that had been on fire, with the carbon scoring and the meltiness.
Aye Aye, Cap'n
i have a problem with using capital letters at the beginning of sentences and in proper nounS. and you can go fuck yourselF. at least i usually use periodS
I'm so angst-y
So I was thinking of becoming a Goth Loser.
I'd change my name to foxglove, strife, or odium- or maybe something *really* gothy, like... crimson skye wolfesbane nihilist.
I'd have to buy a lot more black velvet, black lace, and black vinyl.
Of course, one can't be a real goth without having an unnatural fixation on bands from england that suck.
You also need to write shitty poetry equating death with the wilting of flowers or something equally drab and overdone, like talking about how black your soul is or using a euphemism like "lightless abyss" to talk about your life, or your hair.
Also, I'm going to have to dye my hair black. black as night, black as coal. You can't be gothy without black hair. Ok, maybe pink.
I'm going to have a hard time trying to be pathetic all the time. This seems to be a main goal among the goth population, looking depressed all the time, like somebody just ate your puppy- all the while looking like you really just despise everybody you see.
Oh, and never ever ever ever call youself a goth. Except for all the time. I'm going to have to master that particular art, the constantly referencing my lifestyle- coupled with constantly denying that I constantly reference my lifestyle. It's like gay people who wear feather boas all the time, speak with a lisp, say FABULOUS! a lot, and can't seem to shut up about all the gay sex they have all the time because they're gay and they really wanted everybody in the immediate vicinity to know that they were indeed gay in case there was any doubt- who then complain about people persecuting them because of their lifestyle. Hey, I'm straight, and I don't constantly talk about hittin' the poon. There is a place called restraint. I suggest you visit it once in a while. They have good cheese fries.
music of the moment: "one nation" by soulfly. they aren't from england. they are from brazil. well, max is- I don't know about the rest of them. But they rock hard, and this song is about racism not being cool. Ok, after that is "hot hot hot" by ll cool j, who is from queens, new york. This song is about... constantly hittin' the poon.
link of the moment: goth, the definition of which uses the word lugubrious, which sounds dirty, but isn't.
As a side note: Turn safe search ON before searching for the word "gay" in google's image search. Just a pointer.
This, That, and some other Things.
I got a new toy.
This toy, specifically.
I got the 256 meg version, which is a bit anemic for my mp3 collection, which is visible from the moon. Tribes in South America revere and worship my mp3 collection as a god, a terrible god of cacophony and discord, a god who speaks every word in every language all at once, and when he speaks- the earth trembles. In any case, let's say my mp3 collection is substantial. So a 256 meg player, while teeny by comparison, lets me put 40 or so songs on it, but that kinda works out, because it encourages me to change the files often (which is remarkably easy, thanks to the unit showing up as a removable drive when you plug it into usb). it also has a (lousy) fm tuner, and the ability to record both (lofi) voice and (less lofi) radio. Also the thing is frigging tiny. I tossed it into a shirt pocket to record environmental noise when I went to buy a cappucino from a gas station. (which, I'd like to go on the record as saying that gas station cappucino tastes just great.)
But enough about the player, let's talk about the high quality earbuds it came with. Don't get me wrong, they sound tinny and distant, as all earbuds should, but I don't care about that. I care about the fact that they make my ears hurt- bad. 15 minutes of wearing these things and my ears hurt. I want to to drastic things to make the pain stop. So I've taken to carrying around my main headphones to listen to it. My main headphones are so large that the player fell off my desk once, and I didn't notice. So my solution is to buy something like these. The biggest problem with those, however, is that they cost over 200 bucks, and then you have to buy some kind of amp, unless you get the hi-gain version for portable players. I assume these would be more comfortable, given that they sit inside the actual ear canal and seal with foam, rather than jamming into the ear and sealing via distending the surrounding tissue to fit.
In other news, I've noted that I have this odd tendency to quote rap lyrics in my posts. I've not figured out why yet.
word of the moment: bifurcated, since I was on about medical terms last post, I figured I'd go with something else overly complicated; namely this word, which means that something has split into 2 parts.
music of the moment: "forty six & 2" by tool. 46 and 2 is the christ consciousness grid. Basically, a bunch of idiots have this theory about evolution (described here) and tool wrote a song about it.
Like a pimp I'm pimpin'. Got a boat to eat shrimp in. Nothing wrong with my leg- I'm just B-boy limpin'.
napemonkey
So this post is mostly all about napes.
I was discussing star wars episode III (attack of the suck) with a friend of mine, and mentioned that somebody should check the nape of George Lucas's neck for the body snatcher, and then I got off on this thing about napes, because I really like that word. Apparently, the only thing called a nape is the back of your neck. It's the part covering your occipital bone. I also like occipital, as a word. And quoit, and notwithstanding.
But I digress.
I think they should use nape as a drop-in replacement for pelt, so I could say "I got a coin purse made from a monkey nape. A big monkey, 'cuz I be paid."
you can also do up your hair in a style called a nape knot. That nape knot link shows further proof that hairstylists for some reason tend to have really shitty hair. That dude looks like kenny g, for god's sake. and half the 'celebrity' hairstylists are bald, or have a bleached-out buzzcut or something. I don't get it.
word of the moment: arsenic, just because.
music of the moment: "hem of your garment" by cake.
llama llama duck
llama song
You should probably go borrow somebody else's brain before you see this, because this'll fuck it all up, and you really don't want to get your own brain bent out of shape.
I'm a wanderer.
You know, I've been reading thru some of my posts, and realized some of them may be a little hard to read. Not because they use fancy words or anything, but because of the way they are structured. You gotta realize that these things are almost all posted off the top of my head. I'll get an idea and go "hey, I need to post that" and go post, without any idea of what the content will be. As a result of the way my thoughts stream, and the way my brain works, some of these posts kinda wander around, and lots of them get confusing as I weave in and out of the subject. This is why I can end up talking about those ballpits in the chuck e cheese for 4 paragraphs, in the middle of a paragraph about wookiee hairstyles.
I'm a B-boy, standing in my B-boy stance, hurry up and gimme the microphone before I bust in my pants.
More than you ever wanted to know.
coffeeresearch.org
Ever wanted to know how to properly roast your coffee beans?
They've got that.
Ever wanted to know how to identify the various colors of roasts by sight?
They've got that, too.
Ever wanted to map your taste buds so you can properly evaluate the aroma and flavor profile of your coffee?
Sure.
Ever wanted to know the complete lineage and history of coffee, complete with maps of growing regions?
Yup.
Ever wanted to know how to make the absolute perfect cup of coffee, from the perfect green coffee beans to the perfect roast to the perfect grind to the perfect brew in the perfect coffeemaker?
You bet.
Ever wanted to know how to decaffeinate coffee?
HERETIC! INFIDEL! BURN THE IMPURE!
But yes, they also have that.
I have 3 erections.
So I'm playing Prince of Persia: Warrior Within, Lord Of The Rings: Battle For Middle Earth, and Half-Life 2. That's right- there's the spot... right there, baby.... oh yeah...
Ahem.
All three of those gamegasms are stunning. I've played the first few levels of the newest Prince of Persia game, and it just blows the original (which was a work of art with bad AI) away. Now you don't have to just run up a guy's chest and do a 2-hit combo on the way down. Now you can do like 18 different things after running up his chest. You can drop and behead him, you can drop and throw him, you can do a divebomb attack on him, you can flip out and away from the battle- you can run up his chest, flip out and away to the wall, then divebomb somebody else from the fucking wall! And you're being chased by the Dahaka, an unstoppable beast spawned from the swirling vortex of time itself, spawned specifically to hunt you down and kill you. When it chases you, you fear it. these tentacles lash out at you, and as it gets closer, the world starts going all sandy-grey, and if it gets close enough, it kinda sucks your essence dry and kills you dead.
Lord Of The Rings: The Battle For Middle Earth has a very long title. And it's a good game to boot. I about popped a woody when I watched the intro, which is basically the intro of the first LOTR movie- done in the game engine. This game is one of those role-playing RTS games, like warcraft 3, only with cooler orcs. And speaking of orcs, my horde of them overran those pussy Rohirrim in no time, with a bit of help from a couple mountain trolls and a certain fallen human king on a certain fellbeast.
And then there's Half-Life 2.
You know, I just don't know if they've made any words yet to describe how great HL2 is. I'll try: It's Fangoddamntacularstic. It's better than that. It's headcrabs and striders and that glorious gravity gun. I will never get tired of chucking filing cabinets at soldiers at a couple hundred mph. and that bugbait is the shiznit. I also like grabbing manhacks with the gravity gun, then flinging them at the soldier that just fucking launched them at me. And you go for like a half hour in that game before you even pick up a crowbar. Half an hour of intro, of walking around, of seeing the world without it shooting at you. It's Fangoddamntacularstic.
And GTA: San Andreas isn't even out for PC yet. Damn you sony, damn you to hell.
Music Of The Moment: Winamp is cruel. It's "neutron dance" by the pointer sisters, but only because the song before that, which I skipped past, was "pump up the jam" by technotronic. While your feet are stumpin, and the crowd is jumpin.
Link Of The Moment:World Against Toys Causing Harm. I always liked tossing my 12-pound steel Tonka truck off the second story landing of the stairs, at family members standing at the foot of the stairs.
R.I.P.
"Dimebag" Darrell Abbott was shot dead December 8th, 2004, at an Ohio club. Dimebag was the guitarist for Pantera, and then damageplan.
I'm... out of words.
Mtv.com story
current music: Pantera, and I expect it to stay that way for a while.
Oh yeah
Man, that last post was long.
And I forgot something.
My current host, Aloofhosting.com, is closing down. On principle. Basically, they swore to never use popup ads, and the site is to the point where the only way they can even break even is to use popup ads, and they're tired of spending 500 bucks a month to run it. That makes me a sad panda. But it has spurred me in the hocks, so to speak. I'm finally going to up and buy myself a goddamned host. I'm gonna pay some people 30 bucks a year to keep all my shit- not just this lousy blog, but everything: photos, art, uh- this lousy blog. And anything I can think of, really- Anything. So watch this space for my move to better waters, and the name of those waters. And water, also.
Again with the AI.
Goddamn stupidass no-sense-of-self-preservation having useless no-aim-having pissant totally-critical-to-forward-plot-movement lame fucking AI NPC's! FUCK 'EM ALL!
angry now. post now.
Ok, so I'm playing prince of persia: sands of time (motto: we didn't think there were enough games with colons in the title.), and I actually really like it. it looks good, has a good soundtrack, the play is fairly fluid- minus a little hassle from the camera, the battles are top drawer, the puzzles are clever and difficult- but not so difficult that you are constantly pulling your hair out and stomping around the room like a jackass. The part that made me stomp around the room like a jackass was Farah. Farah (yeah, like the slacks) is your teammate/love interest/smart-mouthed counterpart. She has 3 main talents: mouthing off, wriggling thru cracks obviously put there for her which let her get to a switch that you couldn't otherwise get to, and getting dead. The getting dead part is the part I'd rather she not be so good at. If she put some of that effort into learning an instrument, she'd be fucking Chopin. So in any case, here's the basic scenario: you get into a puzzle or something, and she finds a crack and vanishes, because she'd never make it thru this puzzle. You do your swinging around and wall-jumping whatnot, then you find the last door, and exit right into the waiting arms of Farah, and a bunch of these bad guy monster things. They move like, real slow, but they can fucking teleport for some reason, and they are all really good combatants, even the ones who used to be bakers and stable-boys. So you'll be off killing these guys, in a really fantastic battle, and one guy- a guy with a hammer with A HEAD THE SIZE OF A GODDAMNED SAAB positions himself right the fuck next to farah, who is armed with a bow, and proceeds to literally beat her to death, very slowly. The whole time, she's calling out for you to help her, but you kinda have problems of your own- problems with swords. But then you see she's about to die, and if she dies, it's just like if you die, so you have to save her. Oh yeah- those guys who are trying to kill you? They follow you. Then they are trying to kill you AND her. She pays no attention whatsoever to her attacker, instead focusing on the guys surrounding you, while she gets these gifts of massive blunt trauma, over and over again, from a guy she could drop before he got his hammer up. Fuck.
Music Of The Moment: "Counting Bodies Like Sheep To The Rhythm Of The War Drums" By A Perfect Circle. Very angry, very anti-war. Not a good song to listen to after stomping around like a jackass.
Word Of The Moment: Bastard- I was once kicked out of a chat room for saying the word bastard. Those bastards had this bot that was configured to kick anybody who cursed. I then proceeded to have a 30-minute conversation with the resident Op of the channel about just what made a word offensive. I mean, what if somebody wanted to have a serious, normal conversation about medievil weaponry, or 16th century cannons, or hell- maybe we want to talk about illegitimate children? I mean, just because somebody says a word like bastard doesn't mean they are calling you a bastard. fuckin' bastard.
You know, I just realized that a lot of those goddamned AOL "users" read that I was in a chat room, and went "whats a op", because people on aol can't spell, and don't have any punctuation on their keyboards. An Op is the Operator of a channel on IRC. The Op is the guy you bitch at if you get kicked out of the room for spurious reasons. And people in the IRC channels I frequent not only don't have user names like "snake888584"- they don't tolerate such people. If you can't come up with a creative enough name to avoid having a 5-digit character appended to it- stay offline. And just stay off AOL anyway.
Things I Hate, Vol. 7,042
(insert disc 1)
(files copy)
Please insert disc #2
(files copy)
Please insert disc #3
(files copy)
Please insert disc #1, again.
(nothing happens)
Please insert disc #4
(nothing happens)
Would you like to register?
(click no)
(registration screen pops up)
Please insert disc #1
(files copy)
Please insert disc #3
(ad/preview movies play)
Please insert disc #1
(play menu pops up)
(click play)
Please insert the play disc, labelled disc #4
(grit teeth)
What's the 'I' stand for again?
I just got, and whupped up on, the demo for tribes: vengeance. the demo was one of the lamest demos of all time. well, I mean, the actual gameplay, weapons, and whatnot were top-shelf. It's just that it was a 400-odd meg download, and there was this one map, which was a round arena with almost nothing in it, and it was like 200 feet across, and all you did was fly around with your teammates and hand out beatdowns to all the bad people who came in from these doors. Well, *I* handed out beatdowns - my teammates got in the way and died a lot. Over 400 megs for a demo I installed, and beat, inside of 15 minutes. It should take longer to play than it does to download, people. Hell, Quake was only like 150 megs for the whole damned game - and Quake was one of the best games of all time. But back to my dumbass, no skills having, cannon fodder, blind, completely useless, poor excuse for a team. They suck. They are lameasses. It isn't their fault, tho. Game developers have developed themselves a really low standard for game A.I. games that advertise - no - feature this fantastic A.I. that completely surpasses everything else that has ever been ever - have A.I enemies that see you and run toward you, even if you're holding a DeathDealer X-4bajillion, with new and improved Kill-O-Matic action. These games also have - almost all of them have it now - a Team. Team A.I. is even worse than enemy A.I. With the enemies, there are lots of them. Millions. You generally have 3 or 4 teammates, and if they die, which they do a lot because they suck, you generally have to start the level over. And you usually end up having to protect them because they suck and can't fend off a fucking Guy with a Stick, who sits there and slowly beats them to death while they keep saying "I'm all alone out here!" or "Need a little help here, boss!" Meanwhile, you've been killing the mutant alien robo-dragons, which shoot lasers from all 60 eyes and breathe black holes. You know, if the game developers made the A.I. so it emphasized the 'I' part, and perhaps gave my teammates the ability to, oh I don't know - HIT THE BROAD SIDE OF A BARN FROM INSIDE THE FUCKING BARN WITH BARN-SEEKING MISSLES, maybe they'd be a bit more useful. Ok, better now.
Music Of The Moment: It's actually a really lame cover of Devo's "Whip It" by some crappy band who sucks and has only played at that one bar, but they're gonna make it someday, but I'm gonna change it now. Hey, now it's "Corporate Cloning" off Fear Factory's newest album, "Archetype" I like "Slave Labor" better. it includes the lyric "god help me pour this gas on me" which isn't really grammatically correct, but cool nonetheless. It's not like I'm ever grammatically correct. Or politically correct. Overweight people are fat, women are bitches, jews are lazy, and people over 65 are fucking old, fucker. Vote for me in november, kiddies. Speaking of kiddies - you see the tits on that 14-year-old? Shit, dawg. Vote for me.
Word Of The Moment: Archetype, Which is the original model of something. Like jesus was the model for hippies, and bands like the beatles and elvis were the archetype for the radio format known as "FM" - oh, wait, I meant "classic", but once you count everything up, the classic stations really take up enough of the dial that the rest can just be eliminated and called the 'margin of error'.
I just realized something
I am God here. I rule completely and totally. I am the Alpha and the Omega. I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. I rock. That's really a powertrip, being omnipotent. Holding domain over something. I hold this whole world in my hands. Somebody kneel.
word of the moment: frottage. Frottage is getting your jollies by rubbing up against people who don't know you are getting your jollies rubbing up against people. Think about that the next time you get on a bus...
HAPPY PATRIOT DAY!
Happy Patriot Day! The day when we all celebrate the glad tidings of the felling of two of the largest structures ever erected, killing thousands in the process. Wait a minute... that's a bad thing.
Why would you make a holiday for something so terrible? And what kind of card do you buy for that? It's not a real holiday, anyway. It isn't a real holiday until I get paid more for working on it.
Link Of The Moment: I'll have extra cheese on mine, please. That site is sad, and not the crying kind of sad. It's a touching tribute to the memory of those who died on that terrible day - featuring pictures of the plane hitting the tower. Remembrance of those lost is best not spurred by images of the actual tragedy that took their lives. Kinda like how the primary symbol of christianity is the very object jesus was nailed to, and the object on which he suffered terribly, endured pain beyond what most people will ever know, and died. I think christianity oughta have something a little less tragic to base the religion around. In that vein: I watched parts of The Movie Of The Passion Of The Christ, which I downloaded off The Internet. That's a really really violent movie. Bloody and nasty and just painful. They emphasize the suffering and the horrible pain Jesus endured. The last half of the movie is Jesus getting a red-assed beatdown from the Romans, and the first half is the jews saying "Somebody oughta give that Jesus guy a red-assed beatdown." - only in aramaic, because nobody speaks english in that movie. Not a movie to take kids to, especially if you want them to grow up to still be christians.
Music Of The Moment: "311 Sucks!" by Anal Cunt. They parody some crappy song by 311, mumbling the lyrics, and then at some point the singer screams "YOU FUCKIN SUCK!" at the top of his lungs. Quality.
When Good Targetted Ads Go Bad!
I (currently as of this post) host my blog on aloof hosting (they "indifferently" host my site. I like that). Aloof hosting uses google text ads on pages. I like google text ads. They are orders of magnitude less annoying and intrusive than most other types of ad, and they are targetted, so they do occasionally display something at least partially relevant. But not here. A few posts back I dissed on volkswagen for their misnomer on wheels, the phaeton. I happen to like the fine folks at VW, and I think they make (and used to make) a lot of fine vehicles. They just need to fire whoever has been doing the naming. Since that post, google has decided that I run a phaeton fansite, or something. every time I view the page, I see text ads related to the damned phaeton. I was being mean to the phaeton. I don't like them. This is a bad bad page to advertise the phaeton. At least I haven't seen any ads for britney spears, who is a slutty bitch with no talent, and who I hope dies in some horrible fashion - like being being beheaded (very slowly) by a glacier. I'm actually fairly indifferent to the whole britney thing. I mean - she sucks and everything, and I'd probably hate her truly and deeply if I actually knew her, but other than that - she's just another set of tits singing songs she didn't write. She's paparazzi fodder.
Music Of The Moment: "sum of your achievements" by nailbomb. Nailbomb was a one-album side project of Max Cavalera from Sepultura, and later Soulfly. and, uh, The guy from Fudge Tunnel. What the hell kind of a band name is "fudge tunnel", anyway? That's just wrong.
Word Of The Moment: Annelid I was messing with an anagram generator, and discovered one of the many anagrams you can make from my full name is "asinine annelid", and I like that. You can also make "denials annie in". I don't know what to think of that one. sounds almost.... prude
You can also do, weirdly, "ideal insane inn". Cool. I'd sleep there.
By The Way, If you can guess my full real name from those anagrams, I'll give you a cookie.
My full real name is not Twilight Jones. Yes I really do have that many "I"s and "N"s in my name.
Things I Hate - Volume 445
Easily one of the most idiotic things microsoft has ever intentionally done: You can't drag anything onto a folder or app's taskbar button - and windows will tell you such when you let go of the button. It tells you, essentially, to wait a second so the window pops up, and you can do it that way. So you can't drag an item onto the taskbar, unless you wait 2 seconds, then you can drag it into the window that pops up. Completely without worth, and completely stupid. It wastes time and adds steps. There are no positives, other than the fact that you can't accidentally blind-drag to the wrong window, but anyone above troglodyte iq can fix that - by dragging it back out.
GABBER!!!!!
Here's what I'm listening to:
I got this hair up my ass to download a big fuckload of gabber mp3s. What's gabber? Ok - you know how when somebody who doesn't like electronic music makes fun of it? Well, when they say "You can't tell the difference between the songs, and there isn't any variance within the songs.", and then they say the beat always sounds like "BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM" - they're exactly describing gabber. Actually, they way I said people describe the songs isn't accurate. generally people say "the songs are all stupid and boring", but I didn't say that because I can make that exact claim about country music. Pretty much all gabber is the same tempo, and it all has a dominating 4/4 beat, and it all uses the same one or two samples looped over and over again throughout the entire song, and they all have almost no variance at all, except sometimes during the end when it slows down a bit, or the pitch of something changes. It's the music of raves, of 15-year-olds with blue hair and multiple facial piercings who are constantly under the effects of some party drug and who either are, or want to be "emancipated" because they hate their parents soooo much. And I've got 130 of these in my winamp queue.
Sorry
I run at 1600X1200, and I only now looked at this thing in 800X600, and... I'm real sorry. I hope that, with time, everyone who views the web at 800X600 will go blind, and I can stop worrying about how ginormous this page looks at lower resolutions.
I'm sorry.
Happy Whatever
I turn 28 today. Can't you just feel how ecstatic I am about it? I mean people always get up about their birthdays, but I am just up. 28 is a magic number, and I'm finally magic. Attention Houston: We are shiny. You cannot imagine how alive I feel. Finally one step closer, one year closer to the grave - the sweet cool earth I so eagerly await to be enveloped by. Depressed? No, no no no. Not me. Not after I got that zoloft. I feel great. Boy, do I ever crave the comforting embrace of death's sweet kiss. That'll be so great. I mean really, great.
The Panama canal also has a birthday today. It's a little older than me, I think. That's still just great, tho. I mean really, great.
Adult Links Ahead!
In searching for pictures that look like modern sedans for the last post, I stumbled across This Site, which has some very cool tasteful nude 'figure study' type photos. Don't worry about it being in some northern european language - you can click around and look without knowing what the links are to. The people in these pictures are nude, though, so consider yourself warned. I don't wanna get all litigated because some snotnose little 6 year old came across my blog and clicked a link that didn't clearly state it was to an adult site, and so I was clearly endangering children with my gross negligence. That being said, I was glad that for a site containing lots of nude figure studies, it was almost completely devoid of sausage shots.
Attention Volkswagen:
I'm sorry that you misunderstood the meaning of the word 'phaeton'. That car you produce... you can call it a phaeton - you can call it a Highboy for all I care. I would just like to point out that the car you call a phaeton is not, in fact, a phaeton. It's a sedan. Much like This is not a Karman Ghia and This is not a New Beetle.
While we're on the subject, What the fuck is Touareg supposed to mean?
Hands off the unit, sporto.
Koro
Yeah, I don't really know what to say about that. Except that maybe you should wear a cup.